What is the worst thing you have done in your life? We all have stories and experiences that bring us shame and guilt. Just thinking about them can take us on a downward spiral of self hate and negativity. We begin to punish ourselves, negative emotions rise up and our internal monologue starts to become so self destructive with thoughts like “I wish I didn’t” , “I should’ve done this”, “I could’ve done that”, “I HATE MYSELF, I’m such an idiot”, “I’m a failure”, “I feel so stupid”. All it does is make the situation worse and those negative statements become part of our personal identity. This type of guilt and rumination can be triggered from so many circumstances:
- When we mess up or hurt others
- When we do something TERRIBLE and can’t seem to forgive ourselves
- When we behave in a way that is not aligned with our best selves
- When we don’t take opportunities or don’t do or say what we wanted to
- When we do something stupid or overreact
- When we believe we didn’t do enough for someone
- When we repeat a behaviour we promised ourselves we would stop
- Guilt about not living up to other peoples expectations or our own expectations for ourselves
- Guilt about being afraid or self-conscious
- Guilt about putting yourself first and loving yourself
- Guilt about achievement/ work – if I haven’t reached “success” I can’t be happy
- Believing you don’t deserve what you have
- and many more
Guess what, you are human and mistakes are a part of life! I’m here to tell you, if you messed up yesterday. So what? If you messed up all week. So what? if you messed up all year. So what? It’s NEVER too late to start over. So my beautiful reader, start fresh, rise again, forgive yourself and move forward. Don’t stay stuck in the should’ve could’ve would’ve and do better TODAY. Here’s how:
- Rewrite your story and Learn the Lesson. Change the way you look at the past, and remember – it is done, you can’t go back in time and change it, so accept it and learn from it. Rather than viewing it from a dark, guilty, regretful perspective, and beating yourself up along the way – look at it with compassion and kindness. Everything that happens in your life is a gift, especially the bad. Sometimes things happen and we wonder why they happen. The why is always for your own growth, for your own good, don’t ever forget that. It’s for you to accept where you are and be honest about what parts of your life need change. So be patient, step fully into your own strength and allow yourself to change, heal and grow. Ask yourself this: What positive lessons can I learn from the situation? How can you become a better person from the situation? What changes do I need to make? What is the gift in this negative situation? Once you find the positive learning and how you are better and stronger from what had happened, then you will be able to find it in you to forgive yourself, be grateful for what had happened and look at the situation with a smile. Learn from your past and change your behaviour to be in alignment with what you want.
- Process and understand your emotions. Emotions can help you or hurt you but you have no say in the matter until you understand them. Some emotions create a paralyzing fear that makes your thinking so cloudy that the best way to move forward is nowhere to be found. So it is important to learn how to navigate emotions, rather than allowing them to navigate you. Instead of having an uncontrolled emotional outburst, try to understand and build comfort with what you are feeling before you lose control. That is when the best way to move forward will show itself. Be willing to tolerate the discomfort of focusing on negative feelings, understand where they are coming from and why they are there. Learn how to understand and express your emotions as they come while remaining in a calm empowered state. This level of self-awareness allows you to improve the quality of your thinking, make better decisions and ultimately learn from the past and forgive yourself. The more self-aware you are, the faster you are able to learn from life and move on.
- Your circumstance does not matter, only your state of being does. This statement has impacted me so deeply. It is a simple statement, when truly understood, can turn any situation around. What it means is that no matter what you are going through, no matter how bad it is – it ultimately does not matter. The only thing that does matter is how you feel internally, how you perceive the situation and how you react. So your internal state and emotions are NEVER dictated by external circumstances, events or people. Even in the face of a storm, you should always maintain peace and strength internally. Your mind is clear and you have certainty that everything will be resolved. That is what gives you the power to move out of a negative situation.
Finally, allow your negative experiences and emotions guide you to love, not to pain. Allow your experiences to make you a better person. We spend so much time worrying, being negative or angry at ourselves, that we let it take over our lives. Don’t forget that life is meant to be lived. Learn to let go and trust the process. We are all human, we all have our negative moments, but the winners are the ones who don’t allow negativity to take over. When times are difficult and it becomes easy to forget about positivity, constantly remind yourself and people around you of the importance of letting go and simply being happy. Don’t let anything hinder your progress towards living the life you want and growing into the person you want to be.
Don’t forget, fill your heart with so much love and be kind to yourself; you are always doing the best you can with what you have. The things we regret the most are not living our lives to the fullest, allowing fear and guilt to control us and not allowing ourselves to be happy. Stop wasting time on things that don’t serve you and come to LIFE.
So much Love,
Life Coach, Architect – All are just labels attached to Shaden. Above all, Shaden is a human being that is deeply in touch with her humanity. Shaden believes in living a life of personal growth and service to the world- why? Simply because peace is the answer and love is the way. Shaden believes that the power of the heart, with a little bit of courage from each of us, will create global peace and unity.
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